Peter McHardy has been married for 54 years this November. But as he puts it, it hasn香蕉视频直播檛 been one marriage. It香蕉视频直播檚 been two.
香蕉视频直播淭here was the one before the diagnosis,香蕉视频直播� he said. 香蕉视频直播淎nd there香蕉视频直播檚 the one after.香蕉视频直播�
His wife, Alma, was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment more than 10 years ago. That diagnosis marked the beginning of a new chapter, not one filled with retirement plans or travel, but with caregiving, trial-and-error treatments and daily decisions to stay present, kind and calm in the face of slow, irreversible change.
The couple's first marriage was built on teamwork and shared joy. He worked, she ran the household, and together they entertained, travelled and built a life side by side. Their second marriage is built on patience, persistence and daily acts of care, from managing medications to creating moments of joy each day. Because McHardy is now Alma香蕉视频直播檚 full-time caregiver.
"It香蕉视频直播檚 brand new for most people"
According to Family Caregivers of BC, more than eight million Canadians are caregivers. Together, they provide over seven billion hours of unpaid care each year, the equivalent of nearly three million full-time jobs.
香蕉视频直播淚f they stopped tomorrow, the health care system would collapse,香蕉视频直播� the organization states.
香蕉视频直播淧eople know about cancer. They know about Alzheimer香蕉视频直播檚, sort of,香蕉视频直播� McHardy said. 香蕉视频直播淏ut when it香蕉视频直播檚 happening to you, it香蕉视频直播檚 all brand new. If you香蕉视频直播檙e a paid caregiver, the system thanks you. But as a family caregiver? You香蕉视频直播檙e alone.香蕉视频直播�
That香蕉视频直播檚 where the Cowichan Family Caregivers Support Society (CFCSS) comes in.
The Vancouver Island-based organization provides emotional, practical and systems-level support to unpaid caregivers across the region. They offer one-on-one guidance, peer support groups, education and advocacy, all while operating with just five part-time staff and a budget that continually hovers near the edge.
They currently support more than 250 caregivers. There are 24 more on their waitlist.
McHardy, a resident of the Vancouver Island community of Ladysmith is now an ambassador for the society and runs a coffee group for male caregivers.
香蕉视频直播淭hey helped me navigate the health care system,香蕉视频直播� he said. 香蕉视频直播淲hat I香蕉视频直播檝e learned, I now share with other caregivers in our coffee group.香蕉视频直播�
CFCSS's goal is simple: "to reduce caregiver stress, increase resilience and ensure no one walks the path alone.香蕉视频直播�
香蕉视频直播淓very day, I try to create one moment of joy香蕉视频直播�
McHardy香蕉视频直播檚 approach to caregiving is both practical and philosophical. His days are filled with routine: preparing meals, managing medications, attending appointments and helping Alma through confusion, fear and frustration.
香蕉视频直播淚香蕉视频直播檓 sad every day,香蕉视频直播� he said. But each morning, he makes a choice.
香蕉视频直播淓very day, I try to create one moment of joy for the two of us,香蕉视频直播� McHardy said.
He often returns to a parable he likes to share.
香蕉视频直播淵ou香蕉视频直播檝e got two dogs inside you. You香蕉视频直播檝e got a negative dog and a positive dog. And they fight all the time. And you ask which one wins? The answer is: the one you feed the most.香蕉视频直播�
McHardy feeds the good dog.
香蕉视频直播淓verything香蕉视频直播檚 been a bit of a disappointment香蕉视频直播�
After Alma香蕉视频直播檚 diagnosis, the couple pursued every treatment they could. They tried red light therapy, physiotherapy, nutritional programs, acupuncture, mould testing and sauna therapy.
香蕉视频直播淓verything香蕉视频直播檚 been a bit of a disappointment,香蕉视频直播� he said. 香蕉视频直播淏ecause she香蕉视频直播檚 not bad enough, and yet she香蕉视频直播檚 worse.香蕉视频直播�
Medications were a process of trial and error. One caused the sensation of ants crawling up Alma香蕉视频直播檚 legs. Others didn香蕉视频直播檛 work 香蕉视频直播� or worked for a while, then stopped.
Eventually, McHardy realized they couldn香蕉视频直播檛 do it alone.
香蕉视频直播淚 thought I didn香蕉视频直播檛 need help香蕉视频直播�
Like many caregivers, McHardy resisted support at first.
香蕉视频直播淚香蕉视频直播檝e got some male tendencies,香蕉视频直播� he said with a smile. 香蕉视频直播淭he 香蕉视频直播業香蕉视频直播檒l take care of it香蕉视频直播� thing.香蕉视频直播�
Ten years ago, he didn香蕉视频直播檛 think he needed the CFCSS. Five years ago, he reconsidered. A year ago, he made the call.
香蕉视频直播淎fter the first meeting, I signed up,香蕉视频直播� he said.
Now he香蕉视频直播檚 one of the society香蕉视频直播檚 strongest advocates.
香蕉视频直播淭hey香蕉视频直播檙e doing extraordinary work but they香蕉视频直播檙e underfunded,香蕉视频直播� McHardy said, stressing the importance of fundraising.
The emotional and practical support he receives helps him focus on what matters most: keeping Alma safe, cared for and at home as long as possible.
What happens if I die?
As Alma香蕉视频直播檚 dementia progresses, tough decisions follow.
香蕉视频直播淭he last six months have seen a more rapid decline,香蕉视频直播� he said, 香蕉视频直播渇orcing me to re-evaluate how to best take care of her and what the near future really holds.香蕉视频直播�
To show up fully for Alma, McHardy has to care for himself, too. That means a minimum of 10,000 steps a day, garage workouts, music when the mood dips and embracing his emotions.
香蕉视频直播淜ey for me is to be proactive in addressing a number of what if香蕉视频直播檚, such as: What if I pass away first? What will my life look like if she is in long term care or what will my life be like without her?香蕉视频直播�
Two marriages, one vow
McHardy continues to walk two paths, honouring the joyful life they built together while navigating the difficult road of caregiving with grace and determination. Their first marriage may be behind them, but their second is no less real.
香蕉视频直播淚 acknowledge my grief and that I am slowly losing the love of my life,香蕉视频直播� he said. 香蕉视频直播淭he reality that I have two Almas and the need for me to be full time on her journey has proven to work for us.香蕉视频直播�
Their second marriage is sustained not just by love, but by community, and by the practical, emotional support offered by the Cowichan Family Caregivers Support Society.
香蕉视频直播淚香蕉视频直播檓 married to a different person now,香蕉视频直播� McHardy said. 香蕉视频直播淏ut I香蕉视频直播檓 still her husband.香蕉视频直播�
And just as he honours both versions of Alma, McHardy honours both marriages, keeping his vow with every step.
To learn more about the Cowichan Family Caregivers Support Society visit their website at .
